Slaughtered souls; the immolated masses pour forth from the carnal abyss, Stripped, abused bodies, cascading forth bringing their tragedy into the clinical hell of illusion. Here we are looking inwards. The world coalesces in spiteful furore. I’ve checked out of the hotel and settled in at the therapists. ‘Oh Mr. Brizell, that girl with the […]Read more "To play the part"
On 4:44 Jay-Z rapped ‘if everybody’s crazy, you’re the one that’s insane’ he wasn’t wrong. I’m looking around, at everyone, at myself, I’m looking too deep for my own good and being unsettled by what I see: cheating, degradation, self-harm, self-loathing. That’s just scratching away at the cracked porcelain surface. The world’s insane and I’m […]Read more "Discomfort"
A small village nestled in northern Britain, unknown by even those who live nearby, yet unforgettable to those that reside within, and hardly for any good reason. Trees border the edges of muddy, disconcertingly empty farmland. Hay bales lie in unremarkable desolation; the winter scars the ground, Summer brings it into decay. To the naked […]Read more "A brief inquiry into a village in Northern Britain"
Does time ever stop? I’m clinging onto the clock hands, but i’m slipping. you’re all watching, waiting for me to slip. i know no one’s gonna catch me. I’m lost in the hate of myself. the nightmares are back. Since June nothing has changed. I’m stuck in a painfully torturous cycle. Ben, you talk like […]Read more "Oh Mr. Brizell, what have you done now?"
I awaken feeling sad, broken and wishing I felt none of these things. Tomorrow i’m waking up alone and going to remember everything that once could have been. The world has a hell of a right hook, i never expected a black eye that bad. words bite, inexperience harms, i wish that had been pinned […]Read more "2018: Madness masquerading as sanity"
Time is passing me by, and I don’t have a hold on it or life anymore. Meanwhile Pitchfork today just gave two best new music tags to the new albums by Earl Sweatshirt and The 1975, both well deserved. On the other side of today today I found myself awake at 4 am my head […]Read more "i wander the woods in my dreams and hope to find an answer to my existential crises, i find only nothing"
The day is new, and I’m already exhausted. Fuck the world, and the english ambassadors. Nightmare’s in the news, because something has to bring Britain to a screeching halt, hopelessness pervades my every thought, self-loathing pervades every painkiller i take. The public transport stops at the latest decrepit bus stop, and a train derails it’s […]Read more "Poem: Futility"
Well hell, there’s a need to overdo it with painkillers and spiritual self-harm, till even the Grim Reaper knows I’m too far gone. Things change? I bet you’ve heard that one before? Christ I’ve said it too many times before, let’s see if it sticks. A loved one told me, ‘running’ helps with your depression. It […]Read more "Watching Bojack Horseman on anti-depressants"
I hate being awake, and damn, death’s like sleep. My life got me spinning This moment got me nauseous, this morning had me wishing i was dead. My eyes aching Struggling to write Am I just unwittingly happy, or accepting death. self-hating Voices in my head, don’t answer that, And you all fully well know […]Read more "Poem: Disarray"
it isn’t a particularly nice world or time; I’m exhausted and hopeless after a six-year long battle with severe depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. It’s easy to say it’s been a long one. I’m too lazy to write a suicide note, and as far as I know this isn’t it, for months I’ve struggled to […]Read more "(Or) so say they say"