I awaken feeling sad, broken and wishing I felt none of these things. Tomorrow i’m waking up alone and going to remember everything that once could have been. The world has a hell of a right hook, i never expected a black eye that bad. words bite, inexperience harms, i wish that had been pinned […]Read more "2018: Madness masquerading as sanity"
Mixing alcohol and paracetamol, isn’t just a good rhyme, it’s usually a sign that shit went south at some point, and trust me it did. I never anticipated revealing my struggles, my shattered mental health to someone would be so hard, let alone to a loved one. Of course it’s after saying it, I realised […]Read more "Ben- ‘it’s Okay, Tell me’ (or new habits die old)"
I have a recurring dream which plagues me. At this point in its existence you could consider it a waking dream. Whenever shit goes bad, I find myself in a hotel lobby, bedraggled and hopeless, on what I presume is an unholy cocktail of substances, that keeps me barely lucid and leaves me periodically blacking […]Read more "Mr. Brizell, we’re glad to see you again"
i’m not out here trying to create art; all I’m trying to do is create something Honest. i am trying to create something that is a reflection of who am i, Where i am and Where the world is (in my eyes). art is just another label, like lesbian, gay and straight (to name a […]Read more "A note (written whilst listening to Frank Ocean’s Blonde)"
Months ago, if you’d have asked, I would have probably said I was happy. Unconventional, yes, but happy nonetheless. Fast forward to today (4/12/17), all of that carefully curated happiness has rotted away. The dream is dead, and hope is a cold corpse. Now it’s just me, a cold room, 7am wake-ups, and a notification-less […]Read more "Untitled (or) Leaving myself"
i’m currently in boxers and a flannel shirt, the sleeves rolled up. My friends are asleep on the couch. the cauldron is empty. halloween was a mess. I’m typing these words on my phone: from binge watching the second season of Stranger things (fairly decent sophomore season) to bumping into girls in short black dresses […]Read more "life’s not cool"
I’m listening to King Krule’s The Ooz (Released today). It’s a masterpiece. Now I’m back to familiar territory romanticising past experiences, thinking about the lost love. The ones who’ve moved on and figured their lives out. This year I met and fell for a girl from Spain. It was a strange, inexplicable romance, that felt […]Read more "Eyes red and raw"
Been up to a lot this year; talked long with an ex(es), family tragedy and fell for someone. Now it’s July, and all that’s faded. Now I’m left listening to Conor Oberst’s Ruminations. Knowing if I’d of stayed responding to her messages I’d of burnt out. Now maybe loneliness is my worst nightmare. Maybe in […]Read more "Her and the subsequent confusion"
Currently I’m decaying in the lovely state of Florida on a relaxing break from the dreary remnants of shitty north western Britain. The Floridian sun fruitlessly trying to scorch my pale skin and my hair growing long and unkempt. I’m filling the days alone listening to Leonard Cohen, Nick Drake and Father John Misty on […]Read more "The carefree, godless, hopeless drifter muses once again "
No reprise needed here. Recently I’ve been having what I guess could be called an awakening of some sort; think George Harrison or Josh Tillman becoming Father John Misty. I’ve begun work on something big to say the least. It’s been brewing in me for a very long time. With five years in my rear […]Read more "I’m a guy with a hat and I know I like my hat"