Slaughtered souls; the immolated masses pour forth from the carnal abyss, Stripped, abused bodies, cascading forth bringing their tragedy into the clinical hell of illusion. Here we are looking inwards. The world coalesces in spiteful furore. I’ve checked out of the hotel and settled in at the therapists. ‘Oh Mr. Brizell, that girl with the […]Read more "To play the part"
On 4:44 Jay-Z rapped ‘if everybody’s crazy, you’re the one that’s insane’ he wasn’t wrong. I’m looking around, at everyone, at myself, I’m looking too deep for my own good and being unsettled by what I see: cheating, degradation, self-harm, self-loathing. That’s just scratching away at the cracked porcelain surface. The world’s insane and I’m […]Read more "Discomfort"
A small village nestled in northern Britain, unknown by even those who live nearby, yet unforgettable to those that reside within, and hardly for any good reason. Trees border the edges of muddy, disconcertingly empty farmland. Hay bales lie in unremarkable desolation; the winter scars the ground, Summer brings it into decay. To the naked […]Read more "A brief inquiry into a village in Northern Britain"
Does time ever stop? I’m clinging onto the clock hands, but i’m slipping. you’re all watching, waiting for me to slip. i know no one’s gonna catch me. i’m lost in the hate of myself. the nightmares are back. Since June nothing has changed. i’m stuck in a painfully torturous cycle. Ben, you talk like […]Read more "Oh Mr. Brizell, what have you done now?"
I awake feeling sad, broken and wishing I felt none of these things. Tomorrow i’m waking up alone and going to remember everything that once could have been. The world has a hell of a right hook, i never expected a black eye that bad. words bite, inexperience harms, i wish that had been pinned […]Read more "2018: Madness masquerading as sanity"
Mixing alcohol and paracetamol, isn’t just a good rhyme, it’s usually a sign that shit went south at some point, and trust me it did. I never anticipated revealing my struggles, my shattered mental health to someone would be so hard, let alone to a loved one. Of course it’s after saying it, I realised […]Read more "Ben- ‘it’s Okay, Tell me’ (or new habits die old)"
I have a recurring dream which plagues me. At this point in its existence you could consider it a waking dream. Whenever shit goes bad, I find myself in a hotel lobby, bedraggled and hopeless, on what I presume is an unholy cocktail of substances, that keeps me barely lucid and leaves me periodically blacking […]Read more "Mr. Brizell, we’re glad to see you again"
i’m not out here trying to create art; all I’m trying to do is create something Honest. i am trying to create something that is a reflection of who am i, Where i am and Where the world is (in my eyes). art is just another label, like lesbian, gay and straight (to name a […]Read more "A note (written whilst listening to Frank Ocean’s Blonde)"
Months ago, if you’d have asked, I would have probably said I was happy. Unconventional, yes, but happy nonetheless. Fast forward to today (4/12/17), all of that carefully curated happiness has rotted away. The dream is dead, and hope is a cold corpse. Now it’s just me, a cold room, 7am wake-ups, and a notification-less […]Read more "Untitled (or) Leaving myself"
i’m currently in boxers and a flannel shirt, the sleeves rolled up. My friends are asleep on the couch. the cauldron is empty. halloween was a mess. I’m typing these words on my phone: from binge watching the second season of Stranger things (fairly decent sophomore season) to bumping into girls in short black dresses […]Read more "life’s not cool"